A Mother’s Journey: Transforming Trauma into Triumph

The Journey Home

There was once a time, in December of 1963, when a young mother was returning to her home and husband following a visit with her parents. It was an arduous, long journey by train through high mountains deeply shrouded in soft quilts of snow. To her, they seemed silent sentinels standing guard in the darkest of nights.

With her was a sweet two-year-old, red-headed little girl, her daughter, who spent most of her time gazing out the window or curled into sleep by the rhythmic sway of the train. Her mother had another child, kept safe, warm, fed and comfortable, within her body. This mother was just beginning her third trimester of pregnancy.

During her visit to her childhood home, this woman received a rather cryptic letter from her husband. In it, he wrote that she should extend her visit with her parents and that he would send her belongings. Rather than follow this directive, the woman decided to return home to question the meaning of the letter.

The Shocking Revelation

Upon arrival, late at night in an empty, cavernous train station, she found a public pay phone and called her husband to pick them up. With thinly disguised anger he came to claim his family. Once luggage and human cargo were settled into the car, this husband evoked a tirade of fury shouting, “I told you in my letter I to stay there and I’d send your belongings!” When the woman proclaimed she did not understand, that her home was with him, he replied, “Can’t you read between the lines? I’ve found another woman, I don’t want you.”

Living in Crisis

The woman entered a state of shock. Words senselessly ricocheted off the interior walls of her brain. Her heart plunged into her stomach, vibrating rather than beating. The effort of breathing was akin to shuddering and the unborn baby rolled and kicked inside her body. She was experiencing an Instant, Pivotal Crisis. A sudden, catastrophic change in a person’s life direction.

There is to be no ‘happily ever after’ for this mother.

How do I know for sure? This woman and mother is me.

Reflections on Pain and Growth

That was then, and this is now.

This incident occurred many decades ago and during my lengthy lifetime, I’ve endured several incidents that match and even surpass this level of IPC. Yes, I’ve railed my fists at the sky lamenting “Why?” and “What did I do to deserve this?” I’ve cried buckets of tears; wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. But somehow, I survived all of them.

I spend much of my time pondering, usually about life’s puzzles and how to solve them. I have a tenacious desire to understand human behaviour, a strong will to recognize right and wrong and act accordingly, read avidly and share with others the helpful morsels I learn. Including turning trauma into triumph.

During one of my ‘ponder wanders’, I found myself remembering and observing, from an outside-looking-in view, several events of pivotal crises. How had I managed to fight, to survive? How did I unearth the will to carry on and, most of all, what purpose do they serve?  From being painfully left behind by those I loved, to experiencing inconceivable losses…..why? Innumerable questions and yet, not one answer.

The Search for Meaning

Eventually, in the voice of one of my early mentors, came a revelation. Just two words…..”Universal Laws”. I still had the book I’d received from him four decades earlier. So long ago the highlighter was faded. But I found my answer within its pages: There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that occurs in your life without it having significant value and vitalmeaning.

Therefore, we are handed a job……to discover it.

These are the times of our outstanding personal growth The more grueling the experience, the greater the growth.

As my thoughts focused back to the time of the above story, I invited my sub-conscious mind to release what I needed to know to my conscious mind. What was the value and meaning for me in this and every other Instant, Pivotal Crisis I had slogged through? What was the meaning of all this pain?

Hindsight is indeed 20/20 and the wider the view, the more you see. If you look down the path of your life history, you will see how the panorama of life widens as it lengthens. This takes time. However, it’s not a waste of time. Your subconscious mind has got it! You begin to behaveunconsciously in ways that reflect your growth. You’re just not aware of it yet.

It has been decades since the time of this story and it wasn’t until I began ‘pondering’ that I was able to consciously recognize the value and meaning of this episode in my life. I was now fully awake, cognizant, and had the words to express them.

Personal Accountability and Responsibility

** I realized it was my right to hold people accountablefor their behaviour toward me.

** I did not practice blame. Itook ownership, personal responsibility. I learned that blaming, including blaming myself, would weaken me. With personal responsibility comes personal power.

Evolving Through Experience

I did not realize that I had begun to grow and exist with these values, even living within the crisis. I would go on with my life, occasionally enduring more anguish-filled IPC opportunities. Many years later, during my pondering periods, I became aware of all the values and messages they had been delivering. Additionally, I understood I had begun to unconsciously shift my beliefs and actions to align with this wisdom. When long-sought answers reveal themselves,  the knowledge that transforming trauma into triumph is within our personal power, we have renewed confidence in our future.

Emerging as a Student and Teacher

I have not perfected every lesson, I don’t believe that is the intention of the Universe. But what I have done is to know I am not a victim during these times; I am a student, a teacher and I love very deeply. Those who love deeply feel not just their own pain, but the pain of others just as acutely. Therein lies the recipe for ’empathy’, the Great Equalizer.

Conclusion: The Power of Empathy

“Sometimes we don’t have the answers, but we can step back, observe and learn”

Written by Lynn Moore, Coach/Mentor.

Specializing in Emotional Recovery after life knocks you down

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