How Listening Becomes an Art
In conversations, how listening becomes an art begins with being present, in the moment, aware. Rather, what most of us do, is listen only until an idea pops up in our head of something we want to say in return. Then, one of two things happens:
- You interrupt
- Your eyes glaze over. You are listening to a recording running in your brain about what you want to say next while waiting for a pause to express it. Familiar?
Your brain is always thinking, however, you can only have one thought at a time. So, how do you have a meaningful conversation when the other person is speaking and your own brain won’t be quiet?
The First Step to How Listening Becomes an Art
Practice focusing.
Focusing is difficult for any length of time. We can handle total focusing in short spurts. But if we don’t master focusing for longer periods, we really are not listening to others.
Here is where you might ask, “So how do I remain focused?” Well, there are a few things that can help, but one of the first and easiest is to ask questions. I used to think that asking people questions was being too nosey and that I would be prying into their privacy. Imagine what I thought, upon learning that when you ask people questions in a conversational setting you are actually indicating your interest in them! People warm up to you when you are interested in them. They will tell others complimentary things about you because you made them feel valued.
Now, forget about yourself. Concentrate on what they are telling you about them. They will be giving you information through which you will be able to form more questions for them. Example: “You mentioned your son is at University, tell me, what courses is he taking and how does he like them?” Stay away from ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. This is called listening at the middle level. At this level you are gleaning information from what you are hearing them say.
Just practice this one process for a time before progressing further.
The Second Step to How Listening Becomes an Art
Here is where you pick up non-verbal information. Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, movements; all of these will register with you, but on a higher level. It’s instinctive, not involving concentration.
Sometime, after you have had a conversation and can think alone, ask yourself what you noticed about his/her body language, voice expressions and movements. You will be surprised how much you gleaned without having to concentrate about thinking!
Now you have a starting point to developing your own art of listening.
If you don’t consider yourself a great conversationalist, here’s a bonus. Your brain will be so busy listening to form new questions and filing away the feelings you subconsciously pickup, you will have little to no interest in talking about yourself. You will get to know people on a very different level and really begin to enjoy this new way of being with others.
It takes a bit of practice, but just keep bringing your focus back to laser targeting on your subject and you will be amazed at how you will look forward to your next social engagement.
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